Becoming a Better Cultivator with Detective Skills

ARTICLE WRITTEN BY: CHARMECIA MORRIS, LPC

 As we approach the giving season, I often remember early lessons on identifying a want versus a need. As a kiddo, I received these lessons both in the classroom and outside it. In school, we differentiated a want as something that adds a little sparkle or joy in your life. A need was something required to keep us healthy and well. Both are actually necessary, but when conserving resources it can be helpful to put the essentials first. Boy howdy, have we been called to put the essentials first lately!

In higher education I was introduced to more definitions and theories about how our needs influence our behavior. Some resonated and rang true and others gave me the sense that something was missing from the list. Many of us are quite familiar with the Food Pyramid or Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Both of these have received critical evaluation and updates over the years that I have been away from school.

I’m glad to see diversity and inclusion expand our knowledge and perspectives. On the Oldways Preservation and Exchange Trust African Heritage Diet Pyramid, you can find “enjoy meals with others” on the base. Spending time slowing down with loved ones sounds like good nourishment to me.

In all the tasks of daily life, it’s easy to lose track of your needs. Maybe you could use some evaluation and updates of your own; especially in a time when your heart might be called to turn toward other people’s needs. There is need everywhere. We see it close up these days.Everyone and everything needs tending and care. We have close access to ourselves,it makes sense to start there.

Often, identifying your needs is easier said than done. Like new parents figuring out what cry means what, it can feel like a mystery. I find that sometimes it helps to use your imagination to give you the space for discernment. Imagine for a moment, that you’re a caregiver of a farm. You check to see if the animals have fresh water, you make sure their space is clean, & you diligently prepare their food. You watch the crops coming up, you look for signs of blight, you place support beams, & you add fertilizer for nutrition. This place is your home and your livelihood, it deserves careful attention.

We humans are unique organisms. We tend to separate our brains from the rest of our bodies and detach from the fact that humans too require specific conditions to function and thrive. Returning to our sprawling farmland image, what do you ,the organism, need? Again, sometimes figuring it out is easier said than done. Maybe you need an almanac of sorts to help you investigate a bit more efficiently. All good detectives need helpful context clues.

You’re welcome to borrow mine. Below is a table to help you reflect on what adjustments might help you feel more balanced. I’ve filled in an example for you.

Hard to even fill the first column? I hear you. Perhaps selecting from a list might help. Here’s the list of feelings & needs developed as part of the Nonviolent Communication framework.

By asking yourself about the signs, you may get more familiar with how your body communicates with you. Everyone is different. Some aches tell us a rainstorm is coming, others tell us there’s a vacancy somewhere in our circle of support.

Getting curious about when and how (without judgement) your need got lost, helps to diffuse the sense of responsibility or criticism. You are operating as well as you can with the resources and circumstances you have. What if it’s not you? What if you’re like a goat that ate something that just didn’t agree with you. Even if some of it is on you, it sure is a bunch easier to focus on solving a problem when you’re not hearing at top volume “what’s wrong with you?” on a loop in your head. Maybe if you begin where it once was being met, you can find hope and inspiration to restore it. In fact, you probably already began working on it. We lean toward what we need like vines toward the sunlight. Please go ahead and express gratitude for your efforts in caring for yourself.

Gratitude builds on itself. What other progress do you see already? If you’re a parent, where is your kiddo trying? What wins can you celebrate with them? Yeah, they might be doing it differently than you would, and they’re doing it! Use what you’re already doing to springboard you towards more ideas. Follow the vine, I bet you’re already going in the right direction.

I can’t wait for you to discover what happens when you turn towards yourself and the call to fulfill your needs.