Happiness Isn't the Goal

I used to think that the point of life was to be happy. But as I learned more about how emotions actually work, I began to realize that happiness is a fleeting emotion, just like anger, sadness, and jealousy. And because of the temporary nature of emotions, it doesn't make much sense to try to be happy all the time.

In fact, trying to force yourself to be happy when you're feeling something else can actually make those uncomfortable emotions even more uncomfortable to deal with. When we are feeling emotions other than happiness, especially the ones that instinctually elicit discomfort, and we hold rigidly to the belief that we should be happy, it can amplify those uncomfortable emotions.

Instead, we can practice leaning into whatever it is we're feeling, whether it's happiness, grumpiness, hangriness, or anything else. By doing so, we'll often find that those feelings are our body's way of communicating with us. Think of it like the check engine light on your car. You might be able to ignore it for a while, but the longer you neglect it, the more damage you'll end up doing.

So the next time you're frustrated that you or someone you love isn't feeling happy, try asking the question, "What is the underlying feeling and what is that communicating?" Listening to your body can be an incredibly uncomfortable experience, especially for those of us who are working through unresolved trauma. If you find that this is the case for you, I encourage you to do this work with a trauma-informed mental health professional.